My Mother Said So
by CarolinaDawn
Summary: Calleigh decides she wants to break free of the fear and be the right girl.


My Mother Said So

TexasJen

Calleigh stood, feet apart just so, in place at the firing range in the Ballistics Lab. Despite the cheery color in her bright yellow blouse, her mood was anything but cheery. Even with the radio on the table behind her tuned into her favorite station, she still wore a scowl on her face. She was conducting tests on a 9mm believed to have been used in the latest gun related murder. This time it was an entire family…torn apart by alcohol and violence.

'Typical scenario', she thought, snorting in derision at the path some people consciously took in life. Dad gets drunk night after night, comes home and finds his dinner lacking for some obscure reason, beats his wife because it was all her fault, then verbally abuses his kids for good measure. It was a life she had until she left Darnell, one she promised herself she would never perpetuate in her own adult life. But she didn't have a family of her own to screw up, or do right for that matter.

Although by now she'd expended enough rounds to run her tests, she kept firing at the target hoping she'd feel better. Feel better about the case and feel better about her life, or rather a lack of it in her opinion. She didn't have a husband, not even a boyfriend anymore.

She slowed her pace down as thoughts began to fill her head, thoughts of just why she didn't have a family of her own. But she knew darn good and well why she didn't have a family of her own. 'Fear', she thought as she shot at the target.

'Fear of screwing up', she took a second shot. Maybe that was why she seemed to go after the wrong men, she thought bitterly as she squeezed off another round.

Jake, another round.

Hagen, another round.

Peter Elliott, yet another round.

Jake again. Just the thought of the mistake she made with Jake made her squeeze the trigger harder and faster for the next two rounds.

"Damn it!" she yelled to no one in particular as she squeezed the trigger out of sheer frustration with her life.

"Damn it!" she yelled again when nothing happened and she discovered she'd expended all the rounds in the magazine.

Calleigh roughly pulled the mufflers off her head and taking a deep breath to calm herself, began to re-load the magazine when her ears caught the song playing on the radio. It was "I Want to Break Free" by Queen. She knew the song well, Queen had been her brother's favorite band, and with his room next to hers, she heard the music through the walls all the time. She listened as the song played on, methodically placing rounds in the magazine as she sang along with the song.

"I want to break free from your lies," she sang softly, placing a round in the magazine. She hummed a little more, then "I've fallen in love for the first time and this time I know it's for real." She stopped placing rounds in the magazine as she thought about what she'd just sang, her thoughts turning to Eric, the one constant in her life. She knew deep down she loved him, but she was so afraid of losing him, afraid of screwing up and losing her best friend. She thought about what he'd said about having children when he found the right girl. She remembered how her gut twisted at the thought. SHE wanted to have his children, not some other girl. She wanted to be "the right girl".

But there was that fear again. Calleigh slammed the magazine back into the 9mm and slapped the mufflers back into place on her ears.

"Fear", she said forcefully as she squeezed off a round. She smiled, feeling a little better.

"Fear of a relationship with someone I work closely with," she said with a little more verve and squeezing off another round. Her smile grew. Damn, but this felt good!

"Fear of losing my best friend." Yet another round. God but she was enjoying this!

"Fear of screwing up a family of my own." Another round.

Calleigh stopped firing momentarily, and just stared at the target. A new fear gripped her. Fear Eric would find "the right girl", and that "right girl" wouldn't be her. She raised the 9mm gun and squeezed off a round as she exclaimed, "Not if I can help it!"

"Here's to putting an end to the fear," she yelled as she squeezed off a final round, relishing the sound as the bullet hit the target.

"I love him," she said as she put the gun down. She looked at the ceiling, and as if speaking to the heavens proclaimed, "I love him! And damn it, I want to break free!" Images of him flitted through her mind as she picked up the spent casings and put them and the evidence away…Eric smiling, Eric pulling the glass shard from her finger, Eric by her side after she was almost run down, the picture of Eric with a little girl named Holly. A little girl. She wanted that little girl, with Eric. She wanted that family, with Eric. She wanted _Eric_. And damn it, she was going to have him.

Having put everything away Calleigh turned and walked determinedly out of the Ballistics Lab, in search of Eric. She strode into Trace, startling Natalia, looked around and left without saying anything. Such was her tunnel vision in her search for Eric that she passed Horatio in the hall and didn't see him, or the hand he raised to signal that he wanted to speak to her, eliciting a raised eyebrow from him. She strode into A/V, startling Samantha, and left just as abruptly. She picked up her pace and hit DNA, not even seeing Valera, who raised her arm to waive at Calleigh, only to have her arm freeze in the air as Calleigh turned and left in a blur of flowing blonde hair.

By the time Calleigh arrived at the break room she was practically running. Expecting to not find him there either, she was brought up short at the entrance when she saw him at the coffee pot. Her abrupt entrance had him frozen in place, coffee cup in one hand, the other hand on the coffee pot handle, ready to pick it up.

The look of confusion on his face was replaced with a smile. "Hey Calleigh," he said with a chuckle. "What's got you excited? 

Calleigh said nothing. She strode up to him purposefully, paused when she got close enough to feel the heat emanating from him, then gently grabbed his face and kissed him.

The coffee cup Eric had been holding fell to the ground with a loud crash, pieces of ceramic mug flying.

Eric was momentarily startled by her actions, but it took only seconds for him to respond to the kiss, opening his mouth when her tongue begged for entrance, his arms encircling her body.

The need for air became all too important and she reluctantly broke the kiss, only to have him pull her back for more.

When that kiss ended she pulled back slightly, and feeling a bit sheepish, bit her lip.

Eric eyes were focused on her kiss swollen lips and raising his fingers to cup her cheek, gently pulled her lip out from between her teeth with his thumb. "What brought this on?" he questioned softly, smiling like he'd just won the lottery.

"I wanted to break free." She laughed at the look of confusion on his face. "I wanted to break free of the fear, fear of loving my best friend." Her eyes began to fill with tears and she whispered softly, "I love you. I want to have your children, to be a family with you and…and _our_ children." She paused, a tear escaping, only to be wiped away with his fingers. "I want to be the right girl."

"I know," he whispered, kissing her lips softly.

She was dumbfounded. "You know?"

Eric framed her face with his hands. He spoke softly, "Querida, you could never hide your feelings from me. I've always been able to read you like a book." He wiped the tears that fell with the tips of his fingers, and then hovering mere millimeters from her lips, whispered "I love you," before touching his lips to hers again.

A subtle clearing of a throat broke them apart. Alexx winked at them both and continued on her way.

"I forgot where we were," Eric stated, looking around to see if anyone else saw them.

"Were you serious when you said you knew I wanted to be "the right girl"?"

"Yeah," he grinned. "Besides, my mother said so."


End file.
